Klassy Fucker

I’m at the age where a lot of my mates are making the biggest mistake of their lives. Marriage AKA A Funeral for your DICK.

Ugh! Listen I get it, ok? Sunday nights suck, you’re alone on the couch and there is FUCK all to watch on TV. So you TXT that girl…you’re well on your way mate to killing your dick.

Women are set up in their DNA to crave interpersonal connections, where as men are programmed to avoid them. You have to think about the Cave man times (I often do) or Carnival Cruise ships, men are geared to drink and dance up next to as many different women as they can.

The Average looking guy conundrum. He is always saying “There’s plenty of fish in the sea” but not for this sad chap. He’s the average looking guy who has really good looking guy friends. He goes out with them and sees these charming blokes pulling delicious birds like a Bengal tiger. He can’t understand why he can’t close the deal on these 9’s and 10’s. He needs to understand dating math. He’s a 6 and unless you are paying for it, you can only legitmatly get +2 your number.

For example. If you are a 6 you can only ever get an 8 (serious booze helps) The Average guy gets frustrated by his mates swimming in a sea of coochie while he get’s the fat friends, and gatekeepers (the one sober chick who minds the bird cage making sure drunk friends don’t go home with guys like Klassy) This poor sad chap meets a girl that is pretty enough and she begins to play to his weaknesses. “You’ll never find a girl that loves you like I do” she’s cool as a cucumber leading into the start of the relationship…”sure go out with your friends, I’ll be here waiting in your bed when you come home”

That seems amazing right? Wrong! It’s a trap, she’s there to make sure you don’t bang some sassy trim. Then slowly she’ll start saying things like “Your friends aren’t as smart as you are, they have to go get drunk to have a good time…let’s stay in unless you’d rather be with your mates than me”

The Trap. There! She said it….”Let’s stay in” this is the warning sign. Your dick is about to die a slow painful death. Over the coming months she’ll covertly move all her shit in to your flat. Like a Navy Seal it’s slow, precise and methodical. Your dick now has about 2-3 months of life left in it.

The BOMB. The next move is “I was offered a job (insert place far enough away that it makes you think) in Japan, unless there was a reason for me to stay here…” WARNING! There is no JOB it’s a trap. Then just like that the average guy, says “What if we got married?” She bats her eyes and then a banner drops on an Aircraft Carrier somewhere that reads “Mission Accomplished” just like that your dick is done for.

The Wedding planning will make your dick shrink back in side you so far that when you look at it, you’ll think it’s just a giant clit for your MAN PUSSY.

In Conclusion, don’t invite me to your Wedding, I don’t want to celebrate the death of your dick. Plus, I’ll drink too much, give a toast about the time you fucked a PRO in Mexico with no condom, and I will for sure fuck a granny.

The moral of this story is….guys need lots of different kinds of pussy, many sets of tits, and constant sassy new adventures. Married guys watch more internet porn and spend Jimmy’s College fund on sweet young trim…it’s a fact. So save yourself the headache, bang heaps of box, and have “open relationships” with strong amazing women.

-Klassy