Klassy Fucker

We all love hooking up, we really do. It’s so fun. The thrill of the hunt, the bar room make out! 

In this technology ridden society, people have forgotten some of the foundation protocols of the perfect hook up. Well, I’m here to help.

The Bar Pick Up:

You’re out with your Guys / Girls. You have a “Stop N’ Chat” it’s perfect. It lines up like this. You’re ordering a drink or walking by on your way to bathroom etc. The Bar “get a drink” is easy you both having something immediately in common….you need a drink. Easy. The girl will always get to order before you, so say “you order I’ll buy” now you’re teamed up, common goal. Clear Eyes, Full Hearts, Can’t Lose. Pop your name once you’ve bought the drinks then say, “I’m with some friends you should come over” she may or may not. It’s all good. You have a seed in the soil for the evening.

The Bump. This is a classic move, it seems like a dick move but see a pretty girl coming towards you, run into her. Literally. You’d be surprised how the cheesy Rom Com movies have this right. The energy, chemistry of touch is powerful. You apologize, offer to buy her a drink. Smile, it’s a moment. Then later in the evening, you have a connection when she’s drunk and horny.

The Dance Man - Girls love to dance, they get some drinks in them and they dance. It’s a clear sign she’s ready to fuck. American men don’t dance, or are too concerned with what their pals will think. You are missing a MASSIVE opportunity. If you do venture out on the dance floor, be sure to have a partner in mind. No girl likes to see the LONE WOLF / solo dancing guy, it’s sad. So target set move in and dance with her. Clear Eyes, Full Hearts, Can’t Lose!

The Exit - This is where a great Pro Tip comes in. You must do a “Kiss Check” before you ask her to leave. It can be a little kiss on the cheek or lips, it’s that moment where you know if she’s DTF (down to fuck) you’ll feel the Chemistry flow and know your exit is golden. Girls don’t want to come off as sluts, (they are and so are we!) so they need a pathetic “buyable” excuse to go home with you. So here’s some great ones:

1. I’m starving you want to get something to eat?

2. Sounds Dumb but gold…Let’s go watch that movie (helps if you chatted fav movies earlier in the night)

3. Direct: I’m heading home, I and I really want you to come too, no expectations (bullshit!)

Move to Sexy time. You’ve known this girl 45 min and you both know why you’re going back to your place and I’ll be honest if your not making out in the CAB or she’s not blowing you on the ride home you’re going to have to warm her up again at your place. More drinks are perfect, some food, or putting on some music make the mood. DO NOT LIGHT A CANDLE, more importantly your a dude with candles. This girl is doing math in her head, “Any roommates going to walk in? Is he going to rape me, is he going to call me tomororw, is he boyfriend material, is his cock small” So take charge here. Calm her, kiss her, get her in the mood. Foreplay!

POST SEX - Do not jump up right after and go take that SHAME SHOWER, you’ll want to. But don’t. If she faked cumming, you can say something amazing like “Can I finish you off?” go down on that bird! You’ll be surprised, 99% of women on a random hook up DID NOT CUM, so they’ll be into it.

EXIT - This is the tricky part, hell masters like me even have problems exiting a girl. The general rule is 15 min post cum. So a great move is the shower. You both get in, give a nice review “That was so hot” this might lead to a round 2, but often once done, you both get dressed. It’s the perfect non verbal cue to GTFO (get the fuck out) if not you’ve got to say something unless you want a sleep over. (please note she has no toothbrush, no makeup remover, no PRODUCTS) BAD IDEA. Convince her if she’s not already out the door, get her number, and exit her.

POST TXT - Great way to avoid the next day call? TXT 45 min after the sex and just say “SO FUN!”

Now before you go to bed, know that you’re a winner. Congrats! Clear Eyes, Full Hearts, Can’t Lose!